Photo Credit: Hawthorn FC
Pre season training, 2015.
As pre season ended, the JLT competition approached (pre season games) and the transition from the gruelling training session into competitive games against genuine opposition was something I think all the boys really looked forward to. I was picked for the first match against Collingwood at Launceston - I was mentally ready and excited for the challenge ahead, I saw this as an opportunity to perhaps display some reasoning around why I should be in the AFL team on a regular basis. A lot of the experienced players were rested for this game so an abundance of younger players were given the chance to do the same thing in essence that was on offer to me - an opportunity to put our case forward for Round 1. In an ideal world as a team we would’ve played well with good chemistry and come away with a strong victory against a really good side (as they chose a fairly experienced line up) and I would’ve contributed and displayed some traits that would come across as quite appealing and useful to the coaches when picking their side for Round 1…
However that was not the case unfortunately. We lost. We lost by a significant margin actually. We were a bit lost as this was a learning experience at best for a lot of us younger players. Jed Anderson was the stand out for our side as he took his opportunity with both hands with an impressive performance that still stands out to me to this day. I admittedly didn't grasp my opportunity against Collingwood. I just over thought the whole game and didn’t play naturally. Nerves got the better of me and cost me - as I had an opportunity to show my worth to the AFL side in the upcoming season. I felt I had lost the trust of the coaches after that game. I was so disappointed with my contribution to the team that night and I was disappointed in myself, I knew I was better than that.. It showed my flaws as a player and the improvement that I still needed to make in many regards. But for me, overthinking that game was the main reason I let my chance slip at that moment. It was a bitter pill to swallow after the game and harsh lesson to learn and move on from as there was another game approaching the following weekend. I had to focus my attention not so much on what I had done wrong but how I could potentially redeem myself the following week.. Added pressure, yes, but I knew where I had let myself down and I was eager to play again.
Photo Credit: The Age, 1st JLT Pre Season Match: Hawthorn FC vs. Collingwood FC @ Launceston, TAS.
Photo Credit: Zimbio
As Part of playing and travelling down to Tasmania, Hawthorn also visited various parts of the state as part of their 'Community Camp' program in which they would visit cities/towns and greet supporters, families, schools and charities a like to give back to the community through all different ways i.e Clinics, merchandise, talks, etc.
The following week I was selected to play in the JLT competition against North Melbourne. Another opportunity awaited me and another challenge presented itself as well. I had lost my position in the starting midfield and had been relegated to the ‘substitute’ role which meant I would only take the field when called upon to replace another player. My chance in this game didn’t come until the last quarter, I had waited on the bench for the first three quarters and was waiting nervously to get on the field. My focus/goal for this game was to simply enjoy the game and play the way I usually did, I didn’t want to overthink anything like I had for the whole game the previous week. By the time the final siren sounded for the end of the game I had the same impact in one quarter that I did for the entire previous game, I was glad I could make some sort of amends and impact the game more even though I only player one quarter of the match. It was a step forward for me.
Photo Credit: Herald Sun
Alex celebrating whilst playing for Box HIll.
The 2015 season for me was a story of two realities. The first half of the season I felt I was starting to develop my all round game as a footballer. Consistency, responding to the areas I needed to improve (that were identified by my coaches) and overall enjoyment of the game that once felt so distant to me. Being able to get through the 2014 season and continue my form and continuity into the 2015 season through finishing another pre season camp and maintaining a good standard at VFL level that warranted my name being spoken about at the selection table the the AFL team. It was a good feeling. Even though I wasn’t necessarily playing AFL every week - I felt close and I felt I had improved my game.
One vivid memory that stood out to me was when I was travelling with the AFL team to face Gold Coast in Tasmania earlier in the season. I wasn’t selected in the team I was coming over as an emergency just in case a player were to (for whatever reason) pull up of the team prior to the game commencing. The morning of the game 2 players were withdrawn from the starting team. One due to injury and the other due to team balance - the weather played a part in selection and Alastair Clarkson opted for a smaller line up. Unfortunately the other 2 emergency players that were also travelling with the team were chosen to replace those players being withdrawn leaving me as the sole player to miss out. This really hit home for me as I thought I was a genuine chance to play another AFL game. Clarkson brought me aside after the team meeting to have a one on one conversation regarding my misfortune of not being chosen to play. At this point of my career, missing out on selection was something that left me with a burning desire rather than being OK with the thought of being so close yet so far. Clarko’s message during our conversation resounded with me and made a lot of sense. It was direct and he challenged me to keep putting my hand up. The summary of the conversation was basically to produce quality of quantity when it came to my possessions at VFL level. Accumulating disposals was something that I could do consistently when I played at VFL - but to put more emphasis on what I did with my disposal and even trying to find other avenues to impact the game i.e hitting the scoreboard. The challenge was presented to me straight from the head coach after missing out on selection. And it was a challenge I was happy to accept and prove to him that I could do.
Photo Credit: Hawthorn FC
Alex working on his goal kicking, adding another component to his game.
So I did, the first half of the VFL season in 2015 I improved my efficiency and ability to impact the game. Yes, the 2014 for me individually with some of the things I achieved was great but football wise I felt I was playing better and raised the standard to how I wanted to play week in week out. I developed my game as a Forward as I would play 30% of my matches at that position - trying to hit the scoreboard and apply pressure in that area of the ground. The other 70% of my game I would spend in the midfield where I continued my craft as a Rover learning from some of the greats that Hawthorn had produced. As my disposal efficiency went up at the expense of reducing my overall disposal output each game; my impact on the matches at VFL level stood out more and I continued to put my hand up for AFL selection, being named emergency a number of more times, getting closer and closer to playing where I wanted to once again. The tease of playing a few games in 2014 fuelled my hunger to wanting to continue to develop but it also provided me with a carrot of what I wanted to gain once again. I enjoy my footy thoroughly throughout the first half of 2015 season - as my continuity at VFL was progressing positively with a string of strong performances that mirrored the good form of the Box Hill side.. things seemed to be looking on the up as feedback from my peers both players and coaches around me left me with the thought that I was on the right track for an AFL recall.
July 21st, 2015 Box Hill vs. Coburg @ Coburg Oval .. unfortunately this day stands out vividly in my mind for all the wrong reasons. As my continuity at VFL was progressing positively with a string of strong performances that mirrored the good form of the Box Hill side.. things seemed to be looking on the up as feedback from my peers both players and coaches around me left me with the thought that I was on the right track for an AFL recall. Another consistent performance with good impact on the match.. I remember that was my mindset heading into this specific match.
Come the first bounce I was starting half forward with the license to roam up to the stoppages around the ground - where I could either swap with a midfielder or impact the stoppage and quickly locate back towards the forward line if the had won the clearance. Finding different avenues to impact the game and in particular clearances was a strategy that was discussed regularly throughout the week and before the game to me personally but to the midfield group as a whole as well. Two minutes elapsed and there had only been repeat stoppages around the middle of the ground. As another stoppage commenced and players exited the pack I was able to receive a handball across half back after losing my opponent for a second and I headed for a kick to switch the play onto the opposite side of the ground where I had a forward leading for me.. And well, I think the pictures below (taken by Jenny Owens) best show the moment my knee gave way and essentially how my day out at Coburg quickly turned into a day to forget.
Slideshow: These snapshots show the moments prior, during and post my third right ACL rupture on the ground.
And that was it.. Season 2015 over for me personally.. Chance of an AFL recall vanished for me as well.. All in the blink of an eye essentially. As I was stretchered off so many thoughts ran through my head, the opportunity I had lost, my future on an AFL list, my friends and family who had come down to watch and support me.. The reality of needing to go through another 12 months recovering. It was all so daunting and upsetting at the same time.
Immediately after the confirmation that my ACL was no longer - I left the ground at Half Time as coaches and teammates consoled me, I was eager to just leave and head home as my old man helped me with my football bag as I hobbled on crutches to the car. My emotions were uncontrollable as Dad took me to a pub closer to home to have a chat and beer with me and try and just take my mind off of what just happened. The influx of support that night was immense for me as I received numerous messages of well wishes on my phone and across social media platforms all with the common theme of not wanting to believe that this was all going to happen again for me and hoping that I would be ok moving forward. That night I headed out with some of my closest mates from the football club as I drowned my sorrows a little bit with a few more beers, but to be wrapped around by some of closest mates at the club was a good way to make me feel slightly better no matter how devastating the news was.
Consultation with my surgeon arrived a few days later with a discussion post MRI scan mainly revolving around what graft to take next and replace the latest ACL rupture in my right knee. Again the plan was to go down the traditional route and we decided that a right patella graft would be the next course of action to hopefully fix this mishap for good. With the addition of a few more stabilising strategies in my knee during my procedure I was in and out of surgery fairly quickly, all within a week as I was keen to just get it over and done with. As I woke up out of surgery it was pleasing to see my family there waiting for me alongside Max Bailey and Chris Fagan.. again emotions we horrible when it came to trying to control them in any way shape or form but I did really appreciate their effort to be there for me after I was cut open and repaired again.
Photos: Slideshow depicts prior surgery, straight after surgery and the rehab the first couple days post surgery. Ice/Compress my best friend. Beer after finding out the news helped ease the pain a little bit too.
I really had no inkling as to what this new graft was going to feel like especially immediately post surgery as my previous two reconstructions had both been hamstring grafts. But I was fairly quick to find out as the patella graft is essentially a bone graft in which they take a bone segment from my knee and use that as the replacement ACL ligament (*That's my fairly brief understanding of what it is) with the thought that perhaps a bone graft would be a little stronger and will take a fair bit of time to heal initially in the early stages of rehab. My experience of the first few days of my 3rd ACL reconstruction via Patella graft I must say was excruciating and something I really had taken for granted perhaps. Nothing like the hamstring grafts I had been exposed to previously that's for sure.
What hurt more though was the very real prospect of needing to complete another year of being on the sidelines and building myself back up in rehab. The most pleasing thing the night I was staying overnight in hospital after my reconstruction as I was again flooded with messages of support was the one message from Clarko telling me that "We (Hawthorn) will look after you". Instilling confidence in me that I would be around the football for another season as I recovered. That was all the comfort I needed that night.
As Hawthorn primed themselves for a ‘three peat’ in terms of premierships and cementing themselves as an all time side with their ability to stay on top of the rest of the competition for such a sustained amount of time.. I completed my own three peat. An unwanted one at that.
As I was dealt another blow career wise, my passion for the game remained.
Third time lucky right?
Photo: I always pride myself on my resilience and positivity - no matter what the circumstance.