The exhaustion after each pre season session is something I vividly remember. I recall how I would often retire to bed at the early times of the night and how short my conversations would be with family or friends when I got home. I suppose I was still adjusting to the very real demands of preparing for the official season. It was definitely a feeling of being physically exhausted but it was also a pleasing sensation too mentally knowing that this was my job and how privileged I was to be an AFL footballer (my parents raised me to never take anything for granted). There was also the odd... actually the common feeling of fear and not knowing what tomorrow would bring in regards to how tough the session might be.
I was still a teenager at this point and these sessions took their toll on me energy wise but leaving it all on the track is one of the more satisfying feelings you can have.
I was feeling great throughout pre season camp and was able to run a personal best in our time trail on return. I felt fit and really good about how my rehab had been conducted but, most importantly, I was on the cusp of being able to play with my teammates again for the first time since my first pre season game the previous year. I had earned respect with how I held myself throughout my time being in rehab - majority of which I had spent alone running laps and putting in the work. I just wanted to prove myself on field.
Photo: Alex at pre season training, January 2013.
But January 13th, 2013 is a day I remember clearly, unfortunately for all the wrong reasons.
It was the second week back from the Christmas break and we were finally exposed to some match simulation, much to the relief and excitement to the playing group. I couldn't help but feel even more elated as I’d been given the all clear to participate in high intensity training and to say I was keen would be a gross understatement. I was finally able to take part in these drills and step up the final stages of my rehab after having ticked every other milestone off prior to this stage under the guidance my rehab coordinator (now close friend) Phil Merriman.
However, my excitement and eagerness was met with despair and disbelief on that disastrous day in January as I attempted a maneuver I hadn’t even imagined, let alone tried, to execute.
*To try and paint a picture in your head I will try my best to describe it (fair to say this moment in my career to this day still is on replay in my mind at times):
The ball was at ground level during a match simulation drill and I attempted a pirouette type move as I gathered the ball – jumping off my right leg, spinning to avoid contact in the congestion and landing on the same leg while my body was continuing to rotate. If I had landed it I would've received perfect scores from gymnastic judges I think however that was not the case as I had ruptured my right ACL… again for the second time.
Fair to say, anyone would’ve been in a fair bit of strife after pulling a stunt like on the field. As mentioned above I still kick myself to this day about that incident and putting my body through something I shouldn’t have been doing. But to counteract those feelings of disappointment I often tell myself that football is played with the best intent and on many occasions instinct takes over and that was very much the case on that day. I should never blame myself for something I did instinctively - I always remind myself of that.
As soon as I felt that ACL tear, I knew straight away of the severity of what had happened. There was a lot of pain compared to the first tear whereas previously I didn’t actually know I’d ruptured my ACL at the time and it wasn't confirmed until the Monday after the game. This time was different, this time I knew - this was a lot more painful both physically and emotionally.
Like a lot of ACL ruptures, there is 30 seconds of pain followed by numbness, which is primarily the fluid building up in the knee once the tear occurs and that was exactly the feeling I had endured.
After feeling that pop and my knee collapse, the thought of having to go through another extensive period in rehab was one I identified immediately in my head as my eyes started to swell up - I couldn't hold the emotion in. There are a few photos of me that have popped up on different media outlets of me on the ground with tears in my eyes. I wouldn’t say those images are easy to look at as I clearly remember the atmosphere around the oval after I went down. The feeling around the playing group and the club’s staff had shifted. It went from excitement to shock. Everyone was silent, you could hear a pin drop. Like me I think everyone else knew the severity of what had just happened.
Photos: Nicole Garmston
Clear devastation on Alex's face after his knee gives way during a training drill.
Immediately after hurting my knee I was helped off the ground for further evaluation.. really it was to confirm the inevitable as physios and medical staff around me hung their heads in disappointment as they tested the stability of my knee in which there was a lot of give and not much take. The ACL was no more.
As I returned to the locker rooms absolutely devastated with what had happened I remember grabbing my phone, hobbling into the medical office and sitting there with a bag of ice on my right knee as I tried to hold my emotions in and prepare to tell my father the news of what had just happened. To say it didn't go so well is a fair assessment as I was quick to lose self control and absolutely collapse in a heap over the phone as I spoke to my father regarding my ACL rupture for the second time. I couldn't put a sentence together as his disappointment and frustration was voiced as he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Thankfully (and to this day I still remember this) Luke Hodge walked into the medical room and offered to speak to my father on my behalf as I tried to calm myself down once again. It was that kind of leadership and support that meant so much to me over the years at Hawthorn. Hodgey was always good like that and on that occasion it was exactly the help I needed.
This time around, I had to wait two weeks before getting surgery. Mainly due to the swelling in my knee but again there was no rush for me to get back that season even though I was slightly optimistic and hopeful of at least playing one game that year post surgery towards the back end of the season. What I found interesting is that once the swelling in the joint had subsided, I could do most activities. Besides moving laterally, my movement was quite normal – I was even in the gym strengthening my quads to save some time post-surgery.
Two weeks went past and I was in and out of hospital quite quickly- again the procedure going smoothly with no complications. This time around I was up and moving around fairly soon afterwards, I think that extra work prior to surgery helped me get up and walking around quicker this time and given I’d been through all of this before, I actually felt more mentally prepared for the task at hand. I understood the pain factor post surgery, I roughly remembered timelines and early milestones post surgery, I knew how and when I could push or challenge myself in regards movement and I understood the moments I needed to back off. My previous experience of my first ACL reconstruction was still resounding in my memories and I could easily relate it to this surgery (another hamstring graft). I was well aware of what I was going through and the journey ahead.
Photo: Alex icing up after a rehab session - trying to get the swelling down in his knee.
I was as determined as ever, if anything my second ACL tear reaffirmed how desperate I was to be the best version of myself as an AFL player, an athlete and as a person.
I knew what I had to do to get myself to a point where I could play again. I distinctly remember my first knee reconstruction being a real shock to the system and just how restricted my right leg would be. What limited my right leg early days (for both knee reconstructions) was the hamstring graft taken out to replace theACL ligament in my right knee (first the right hamstring then the left hamstring) but during the second time, I was able to challenge myself a little bit more and push myself a bit further in regards to my pain tolerance as I understood exactly where the pain was coming from and what was happening to my knee. Nothing serious but there were mental barriers early to overcome in around to move around a bit quicker.
But the initial heartbreak of the second knee reconstruction was significantly worse.
I remember thinking ‘I can do this’ and maybe that was part of being an ambitious 19 year old. I never considered doing a LARS surgery, I wanted to commit to going through another traditional reconstruction - I was so pleased and confident with how my last surgery had gone, I knew that was the same path I wanted to go down even if it took me another sustained period of being on the sidelines.
While I was conscious of not putting extra pressure on myself, I did have the mindset post surgery that I may be a chance of playing towards the end of the season if I did everything right, which provided me that mental 'carrot' in front of me to keep me motivated and on track throughout rehab.
Photo: Jenny Owens
Alex with Phil Merriman - rehab coordinator.
A focal point of difference throughout my second knee reconstruction rehabilitation program was the fact that there were other guys alongside me this time - unfortunately for the same reason.
Rehab for my first ACL tear was mainly completed in isolation, away from the group - there were guys that would pop in and out due to short term injuries throughout the season however for the majority I was on my own - Phil outlined the training program in the morning of each session and I would complete it as best as I can. The 2013 program would be different as there were three other guys going through the same injury as me and need to complete similar things at the club throughout the day - all be it each of us were at different stages of our recovery, the feeling of at least having company in numbers was comforting and a hell of a lot better than being on my own.
Matthew Suckling, Ryan Schoenmakers and Brendan Whitecross all unfortunately went through ACL tears that season and required knee reconstructions respectively.
While we were all different body types, played different positions and were different people in general (which ultimately required tailored programs), we were fortunate enough to bounce off each other throughout rehab sessions and help each other through the struggles of not playing out on the field with our teammates. We would normally have to get to the club before the other guys in the morning so we could utilize the space on the oval and not get in the way of training drills. A usual week for us would be Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday where we would arrive and get on the track by 7.30am and grind out a session for a couple of hours before the boys would get on the field.
Photo: Alex completing some rehab drills.
When I arrived at training and there were the other guys around me or if they were doing the same session that I was, I couldn't help but feel a little competitive which satisfied my side of being an athlete but it was a lot of fun too because there was always that 'banter' and memorable moments/experiences shared throughout being in rehab together for so long. I was so pleased to have formed a particular special bond with those guys in the rehab group - their help and support was amazing.
Everyone is different and not all recoveries go smoothly. Talking about our injuries definitely wasn’t something that we shied away from one another or with the playing group and staff. We were confident in talking about it when needed to, we gave tips/insights to one another if there were any questions - the key to supporting any player recovering from a long term injury – or any injury for that matter – is celebrating the little milestones along the recovery process. Recognizing the little steps during the rehabilitation period may seem like small gesture but it was an important motivating factor for myself and the others around me in the rehab group. Matt, Ryan and Brendan were fantastic in that aspect - it provided rehab with a rare enjoyment side to things, it was a distraction from the reality. It was something we all needed so we could get through this challenge.
Photo: Rehab crew of 2013 (left to right: Ryan, Brendan, Matt & Alex)
Rehab is just as much a mental battle as it is a physical one (*my personal opinion )and that’s another reason why I loved being at Hawthorn – they understood when it was time for a bit of a break, even something as simple as having the afternoon off here or there they were completely understanding and in some cases encouraging of the need for me to get away for a little bit, to reset and go again another day. Phil was outstanding in this area and really understood the need to give myself a rest mentally from the grind of being in rehab.
Variety was key to me throughout rehab as well. If things became too repetitive, I would chat to Phil and the medical/conditioning staff about pushing the boundaries or trying new things - doing things outside of the box (this is something I still utilize throughout my current rehab) I felt the need to change things up was healthy and provided excitement to each session. Changes didn't need to be drastic nor did it need to be all the time but there was never anything wrong for me with asking the question if I had something in mind - "Can I do this?" or "Can I do that?" - I was comfortable with the worst answer being NO with flip side potentially being something new I hadn't done before in rehab.
Speaking of variety, one of the biggest differences between my first two knee reconstructions was getting the opportunity to go overseas during April/May of 2013 alongside my now close friend and former teammate Matt Suckling. Throughout my first knee reconstruction I didn't really have much time away from the club at all, as an eager and optimistic 18 year old I wanted to absorb as much as I could in my first season at the club even though I was injured. My mentality still encompassed that side of me throughout the 2013 season as I wanted to continue my development as a player under some of the AFL's elite but both the club and I recognized that time away was essential both for my body and mind so I wouldn't be so 'drained' from being out for another season and not being able to play.
*Unfortunately for Ryan and Brendan there injuries occurred at different stages throughout the season which didn't allow them to come on the trip with us. Ryan's knee injury occurred a few weeks in the lead up to our trip away and Brendan's knee injury devastatingly happened in the finals series that season. Matt's knee injury occurred roughly a month after mine which meant we were on similar recovery timelines - which allowed us to take time away together.
As Matt and I were approached by the club with the advice that some time away would be good to freshen up before a heavy rehabilitation block once we returned, Europe was in our thought process but we both didn't exactly know how to go about it in terms of booking a sustained period of time away from the club. Incredibly, the club offered to pay for the flights and accommodation for both Matt and I and also organized a few experiences for us once we were over there (which took us both massively by surprise) – this is something that may have been a nice little gesture to them but meant the world to Matt and I as I hadn't really traveled overseas that much before and had never gone to Europe in my life time.
HOME > LONDON > BERLIN > AMSTERDAM > BRUSSELS > PARIS > BARCELONA > HOME
Over roughly a 3 week period - we were beyond excited and it was exactly what we needed.
As part of our travel, we began our trip in London where we spent the first week and a half visiting a rehabilitation clinic called ISOKENETIC who specialise in injury rehabilitation mainly for soccer players. It was interesting to get an insight into how different sports attend to injuries that are quite universal in occurrence. Due to their lack of knowledge of Australian Rules Football and its athletes, it was a different and somewhat refreshing to get an insight into the recovery process for ACL injuries from a European sporting perspective. Much was trailed and much was learnt - we were put through the rigors in some session (even questioning at times if this was good for us at this stage of our recovery) but ultimately Matt and I were very fortunate of the time they dedicated to us and the knowledge they gave us into their recovery programs; their professionalism was nothing short of first class as well.
The rest of the trip was more dedicated to time off (a holiday in other terms) for Matt and I. We traveled to Berlin, followed by Amsterdam, Brussels, then we went to Paris and finished off in Barcelona – fair to say there was a lot of walking around which was beneficial for our knees but it also accommodated for the amount of drinks (beers) and food we did consumed on our trips as well.
We got to explore the Arsenal Football Club’s facilities and watch a Champion’s League Final (Bayern Munich vs Brussia Dortmund) whilst in London too, which was absolutely epic and one of the best experiences of my life. We were able to catch up with Joe Ingles (thanks to Jarryd Roughead who is one of his best mate) in Barcelona as he was playing basketball there at the time and he was able to show us around the city for the day/night which was incredible. We were very fortunate to meet one of tennis' great (and passionate Hawthorn supporter) Pat Rafter who was able to get us seats at the 2013 French Open where we watched Serena Williams put on a spectacle... I could go on for paragraphs about our trip to Europe fortunately pictures provide a thousand words so rather than me go on about the trip via words please look through the slideshow below which hopefully provides a good insight into my trip away with Matt throughout Europe.
EURO SLIDESHOW:
*For further viewing of my Euro Trip with Matt please visit my Instagram page alex_woodwardd and you will find a couple more videos and photos that will give more of an insight into not only the trip but our rehab journey throughout 2013/2014 as well.
The importance of the trip was massive. To be able to get out of the country and experience something completely non-football related, especially given I didn’t have much, if any, time away during my first reconstruction. To have that experience given to me cost free is something I will be forever grateful for to the Hawthorn Football Club.
I think we as a club achieved what we set out to do throughout the 2013 season. From a team perspective Hawthorn was able to win the Premiership that year after being a dominant force throughout the season as did the Box Hill side for that matter as well, celebrations were incredible and to be apart of that was special in itself (for obvious reason I wish I was playing) but like many of my peers around me we could not have been prouder of the playing group on that last day in September on the big stage of the MCG. From a rehab point of view after one of the more heartbreaking moments of my sporting career I was able to again find fortitude and get the most out of myself throughout the recovery process along side the others with me in the rehab group. Two seasons into my dream job of being an AFL footballer and two knee reconstructions later I found that through these moments of hardships there were some amazing character defining experiences which led to some of the best times of my life to that date.
After doing all the rehabilitation once more, I had finally gotten through another knee reconstruction. Through countless gruelling sessions and countless hours rehabilitating my right knee so that it was again physically strong enough to tackle the rigours of football - I dared to be optimistic and hopeful once again and thankfully the club stuck by me at the end of the 2013 season and gave me another playing contract for the next season.
I was confident the worst was behind me moving forward into the 2014 season.